I've dated two women who made the same choice you're making. In both cases, they made it clear early on, and that was for the best.
We talked about it by the 3rd date in both cases. Dating without sex is actually pretty easy.
The trick is to make sure you have that conversation so the person you're dating will know what to expect and won't feel like you're being a tease. Having that talk as early on as you feel comfortable with will be very helpful. It's actually no different than having the talk about children - whether or not you eventually want them.
Sure, it'll be a dealbreaker for some, but that's fine since they're not the sort of people you'd want to date anyway, right? You want to date people who share your values - or, at the very least, respect your values. Sadly, when you tell a date you're not going to have sex before you're married, you will probably have to explain why you're making that decision because, as you know, many people won't understand. If you're online dating, I don't think you have to mention it in your ad or profile, but you really do need to talk about it early on 2nd or 3rd date, perhaps so you don't inadvertently lead a guy on.
Once he knows what you're comfortable with, you can have fantastically flirty dates. I think the obvious and recommended route has been covered: The harder part is being prepared for the question of why.
Let's say I am your date, and that 'abstinent' does not mean no physical contact. I may be willing to accept that for a couple dates to see if I like you, but you better believe I'm going to ask you why you're not willing to have PIV sex. I won't mean it in a confrontational way- I just want to know the shape of that boundary very clearly, and it also tells me more about you. My first assumption would be that you're religious, but obviously that's not the case.
So are you willing to outline your reasons clearly? You're wasting my time if you aren't. Have a script ready, like 'I get attached easily when sex is involved and I want to avoid that before a formal commitment is made,' etc.
If you were able to articulate something like that I would stick around, but if not, I would be mildly annoyed and would not call you back. I'd avoid the religious if only because you're very unlikely to find one whose only damning quirk in terms of what society considers normal is that they don't want sex before marriage. I'm not saying it's impossible, just that it's extraordinarily unlikely. Honestly your best bet is going to be online dating. OKCupid is probably the best one, in my own limited experience, and offers a wide variety of people.
If you're going to find someone at all, your best chances are at finding them there. If you go that route, I would very strongly recommend that you put that info in your profile somewhere. You don't have to be strident about it but it's a pretty solid dealbreaker for a lot of people and there's no point in wasting your time or theirs.
When we speak of, for example, respect for a religious person's celibacy, we're speaking of respecting the importance of their faith in their life. Intercourse can be painful or impossible for a variety of reasons, from disease to disability to simple disinterest, but it can be a challenging topic to bring up. But I must also no sex before marriage dating website, I inynhad my ok Cupid account for about two weeks. Thanks for the comments! I would say Christian dating sites, would be a good choice. At first I thougt the site was really great, as I progressed I noticed it caters to men women are supposed to make initial contact. You don't want to be no sex before marriage dating website Date 3 with Awesome Guy only to realize that he won't compromise. But if you aren't looking for any kind of religious community--which is the place you're most likely to find someone committed to this particular idea--online dating is probably as good a place to meet someone as any. I actually think this is kind of backwards, in my experience. But this large group of people generally experiences significant stigma around the issue, leaving them fearful of what their partner will say. In this virtual game, you get to pretend that every single person pictured is potentially up for it — but now what do you want? On your first or second date, say "I've made a decision to completely refrain from sexual activity until marriage. I don't recommend pursuing a romantic relationship with someone whose beliefs conflict with yours. If a guy really likes you and wants to get married it could really work .
Even so, I would still advise that you can expect to deal with folks who will say they're okay with it but either not believe you, or try to change your mind. The above, and some of the other advice in this thread, will perhaps improve your chances.
But your view of relationships is kind of far outside the norm, and nothing at all can guarantee success. Basically you're a statistical outlier and you're looking for another one. Which I realize probably sounds like a downer, so let me finish by saying that I have nothing but respect and admiration for your dedication and your discipline, and I sincerely wish you the best of luck out there. Online, long-distance, and upfront about no fucking before the nupping. Put your cards on the table and get to know the other people from a distance.
This will weed out most people, including everyone who really likes to fuck, so you're going to end up with someone who, apparently like you, can pretty much take or leave fucking. Lots of good answers here, but here's mine - Make sure you date with heavy focus on marriage and keep your expectations in check. Personally, I would wait for the right girl but I'd have to know there was a short time-table.
Understand, though, that this is a major downside to dating you, so be realistic about the kinds of people you are going for. Adding another vote to being careful of dating people from other religions and cultures.
This is an epic minefield, especially if you are looking for a marriage with liberal western values. I think dating will be difficult for you no matter what. I am not trying to disparage your choice, I just don't think you have any easy solutions ahead of you, so you may as well prepare yourself.
With that in mind, you might want to consider asking yourself these five questions and being very honest with yourself: What if I have selected for someone who won't be all that interested after marriage? Someone who cannot or will not function sexually may see you as a safe haven. How will I signal that I am willing to make up for this and be flexible, that I am not generally rigid? How you answer these can help determine your dating strategy. I was brought up this way but "rebelled" and had sex outside of marriage when I was 20 and a half, that too with a boy who was half foreign as I thought he would not be running around telling everyone that I was a "bad girl" as things were a few decades ago in my culture.
I even had a live-in boyfriend in college with a rocking sex life ;p Today I've been celibate mostly a conscious decision, partly circumstance and a sprinkle of personal history for about 5 years barring one single experience 3. However this has put me in a quandary. I have tried "one night stands" once or twice in the past because it seemed everyone was doing it but it was not my thing.
I don't know if I would get married again in legal terms but I also know that I would be far more comfortable allowing myself to be vulnerable and intimate with someone in a committed loving relationship than simply a random encounter something I gave up after my experiences almost a decade ago. I also know that I could not have a friends with benefits type of thing again because I have done that once, for about 4 years, and it worked out okay but today, more than 12 years later I am a different person and frankly its an effort. I really like sex, which is ironic given my situation.
I fear that where I am today, rusty and inexperienced, may hamper my future progress in this area but I hope that I am able to find a man who can overlook the inadvertent responses or signals I may give out accidently even though I would be very much interested in pursuing an intimate relationship. Learning the ropes again can take time adn however willing the mind and heart can be, sometimes the body may give a reflexive jerk out of habit and circumstance. Unlike you I have had trauma directly related to my sexuality and presence, while not raped, I know and understand that I can sometimes respond similarly.
Furthermore, I took a conscious decision not to focus on this aspect of my life about 5 years ago and instead poured my energies into my intellectual and professional development. Today I wonder what I have lost in terms of my ability to communicate desire and interact with the opposite sex, even when inside my head I want to walk up and just do it.
How does one communicate that aspect in a committed relationship? Must marriage be a legal entity or can it be a commitment given from the heart? It is a matter for the heart. How does one find someone with the patience to go slowly physically and spend intimate time together just getting comfortable having someone from the opposite sex around, necking and fooling around without the pressure from the first get go that it must culminate immediately in penetrative sex whereas that may happen in a day or two or even immediately but who knows and how does one predict? Hence perhaps the need for a loving relationship rather than simply a sex based encounter.
So how to answer your question? Stick to your beliefs and share them however you feel comfortable. Those who truly love you and want you will understand and respect your decision. I know a man, who as a boy, respected our cultural norms and my decision to not go "further" and today, some 26 years later, will jokingly remind me of it "fullname, x years of foreplay and no action" I suggest you consider looking outside your own culture towards more traditional and conservative ones, where its less to do with religion and more to do with oldfashioned mores and values, that one "saved oneself" for marriage.
Could you contact a mod and provide some more details about your reasons for this choice? It could help us be more specific about our advice, since you don't fall into many of the most common categories of people who refrain from sex during dating. Also, as others have pointed out, it's pretty important whether "no sexual relations" means excluding only intercourse, or whether it means no sexual activity at all. I'll chime in with the many who've suggested bringing it up very early.
Second date sounds about right, third at the latest. Even if you're dating someone who prefers to move things forward slowly, in terms of physical intimacy, they probably expect that intimacy at some point in the relationship - don't wait for that point. If you're intending to avoid sex during dating but want to have sex with your future spouse, you're going to need to communicate that very clearly too - I know people who would probably be ok with your choices, but they're largely-celibate for reasons of overall sex drive, and if you want to have a sex life once married, that kind of person isn't an option.